I consider myself to be a good mom. I am not superior to anyone else and try not to judge others on their parenting skills. I use colorful language that is deemed inappropriate by many people. I am pretty careful when I use it but I have been known to slip in front of my daughter a time or two. There are a lot worse things than her learning a swear word.
I understand the obsession with trying to be a perfect parent. I try really hard. For some reason I always end up disappointed in myself. Slowly (very, very slowly) I am accepting that I am not, in fact, perfect. (Shh, let's just keep that between us.) I feel like I am compared to other people all the time. I find myself comparing me to these same people and finding how they are better at other things than I am. Then jealousy kicks in and I start to lose sight of what I feel are my good qualities. I find myself having the same insecurities that I did with my first pregnancy. Every now and then, I need to reassure myself. So here goes:
Sure, I might let my daughter watch more Dora than some would consider good but it keeps her entertained while I get dishes done and food on the table for my family (not to mention, she is starting to speak a tiny amount of Spanish). I might not feed her a perfectly balanced diet but unlike many kids, she doesn't know what a McDonald's happy meal is because I cook for her. I felt pressured into breastfeeding by every person I encountered. I did end up pumping but breastfeeding was not something I was comfortable with and unfortunately, I let people who don't even matter make me feel like I would be a bad mother if I didn't try. It makes me mad to think about how so many people took advantage of my new mom insecurities to push their agenda. Screw that this time around. I am stronger and more confident. If I want to breastfeed, I will, and if I choose not to, it isn't anyone else's damned business. My daughter is happy, healthy and loved. I may be imperfect but God chose me to be the mother of my children. If someone doesn't like it, they can take it up with Him.
