A Break

Last night I got about 3 hours of sleep. Amelia has been having nightmares and I have a lot on my mind, both of which contributed to that. For the first time since 6:00 a.m. today I have been able to sit down and do something for myself besides shower. It is 8:30 p.m. I am tired and I should go to bed but I won't because I need my "me" time, especially today.

New Escape (not the SUV)

This morning I was pretty frustrated with everything. So frustrated that the minute my husband got out of bed, I grabbed a basket with 2 loads-worth of laundry, my iPod, shoes and water bottle and went downstairs to do laundry/exercise/shower. I set the timer on that elliptical for 45 minutes. Every time I got the urge to check my time I would remind myself that the sooner I got off that thing the sooner I would have to go back upstairs to reality. When I finally let myself check how much time was left I had less than 13 minutes to go. I finished 45 minutes. I may have even been able to do more but I had decided to do the next level up from what I normally do and I was pretty tired. When did laundry and working out start being an escape?

Atkins (or rather my failure at it)

I am not a big fan of diets. I know what I need to do to lose weight but have been lacking in motivation lately. My mind has been going back to my doctor appointment last year when I was told to go on a "low-carb low-fat diet" and eat no more than 1,000 calories. I thought it was asinine. But eventually I learned that 1,000-1,200 calories was perfect for me to lose weight. So if he was right about that maybe I should try low-carb/low-fat. I do have hypoglycemia so it wouldn't hurt to try it. I saw the Atkins book at Walmart and decided to buy it.

I was telling my friend (and co-worker) that I had bought the book to read up on it and possibly implement some of it into my life. She has done it before and told me that if I decided to do it, she would also. We picked today as our starting day.

I was doing good up until lunch. Rather than going to my well-stocked somewhat-Atkins-friendly house I ran out to my fave taco chain and got a taco salad figuring it has lots of protein and veggies that are low in carbs. Little did I know that it contained 60 carbs. I figure 20 were probably from the tortilla which I never eat anyway but that still leaves 40 from the black and pinto beans. Considering that during the induction weeks you are only supposed to consume 20 carbs, I would say that was a big oops. I am still going to try to keep my carbs to a minimum but I will not be too hard on myself and I will probably not check nutrition info on a website AFTER I eat the food (maybe not even before, either).

(Note: Not to throw my friend under the bus, but she ate lasagna for lunch. Atkins is hard.)

Stay at Home Mom for a day

Yesterday I received a phone call from our daycare provider. It seemed that Amelia would be the only child at daycare and she was wondering if it was at all possible for her to have the day off. She has called in sick once in the 1 1/2 years Amelia has been going there so of course she can have a day off. My dad is off on Mondays so I had no doubts that they would take her. I was wrong. They were travelling today so I decided I would just stay home.

We went to where I work to show her off. She was pretty shy until the end, then they saw her in all of her rambunctious glory. After that, off to the mall to pick up a few things I needed. One of the things I had to get was from Victoria's Secret and she LOVES their bags. My mom actually puts treats and toys in them when we leave her house so Amelia likes to carry them. Then to Target where we picked up a pillow for her room I have been eyeing. I have been working really hard on her room to get it perfect. I will share pictures when it is done.

Anyway, it has been wonderful. I miss her so much during the day. Tomorrow is going to be so hard to go back to work. I love my little bean and cherish every moment I get to spend with her. I wish these days weren't so few and far between but I will take what I can get and it makes me appreciate them that much more.

You Capture-Warmth

These are the things that make me feel all warm:

The beef jerky I grew up with. You can only get this in my hometown. Somehow I always pick "peppered" by mistake. My favorite is regular. SOOOOO good that I NEVER share it. I can't even though I know I should. I sat the empty wrapper (it never lasts long) on top of a quilt my sister's mother-in-law made for my daughter's 1st birthday.

This is the card I got for Valentine's day. We decided not to exchange gifts like we normally do so we each ended up buying a box of chocolates for the other.


These are my chocolates. Another thing I don't share. I am not normally so selfish. I SWEAR!

Check out more warm things over at Beth's.

In Loving Memory...

of Grandpa.

He had a stroke about 10 years ago then about 4 or 5 years ago he started showing signs of dimentia and alzheimers and was put into the nursing home.

When Amelia was just a couple months old we took her to visit him and he held her with his good arm. I never got a picture of that.

This is my favorite picture of him and Amelia. There is something about it that shows so much innocence to me.


These pictures were taken at his birthday the last weekend in January. I knew the minute I saw him he wasn't going to fight much longer. I walked up to him right away and when he saw me I saw a look in his eye that is identical to the one that my dad gets when he sees Amelia. I knew at that moment he recognized me. I can't explain how that made me feel. So many mixed emotions. Before I left, I gave him a kiss and hug and told him how much I loved him. It was so hard, deep down I knew that would probably be the last time I saw him.

This is a picture of me, Amelia, my dad, grandpa and grandma.

This is my grandpa and grandma and part of my aunt :)

A week after this party, I got a phone call saying my grandpa had passed away. At the family services they played an audio tape of my grandpa and grandma had made in 1996 about their lives and it reminded me of the person before dimentia and alzheimer's took over. I now have a copy of that recording and am so grateful because I was afraid that I would only remember the last few years of his life. When, really, that was only a small part of it.